10 worst things a teacher could say..

10 things a teacher might say that would be contradictory to the educational process.

1. How many of you want to go to college -- show of hands. Really? Now keep them up if you still believe in the Easter bunny.
2. No, I don't believe your bladder will burst if you wait five minutes.
3. Look, I'm sympathetic, I really am. I'm just not going to do anything about it.
4. (var)It's not that I don't care, It's just that, oh who am I kidding. I just don't care.
5. Oh dear. Your file says you are average. Humanity is doomed.
6. (var)Have you considered joining a monastery? yes the catholic kind. right, no kids for you.
7. How 'bout a nice warm cup of shut the f&^K up?
8. Oh, could you just grow a pair?
9. All this, and $6.50 an hour.
10. No, I was not always this cynical. I used to give half a shit.

Note. This is SATIRE. If your irony-meter is stuck in sarcasm, well then you are probably one of my students. If you are critical of these statements, meant to be humorous, well, I refer you to the bill of rights, and ask you to leave.