Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Outside-IN Guide to Champies, Sunday action. And Callahan Predictions...

So you've had a productive and fun Thursday/Friday? Made it through Moving day?  Well, let's ratchet up the tension shall we?  Knockout Round.

But first, Sunscreen.  I know it’s been cloudy, but, you’re spending a lot of time in it.  Keep that skin UV Free.  I like the Zinc based products, as I find they last longer than the PABA products.

After a quick breakfast, Catch the Quarterfinals.  I’ll let the folks at Skyd and other interweb type places prognosticate, But everyone pretty much took the chalk for their Semi-finalist predictions.  Enjoy the games, and then head over to Madison Memorial High School. 

It’s about 6 miles away.  Looks like I’d be having brunch at the Vietnamese Pho Restaurant in the neighborhood.

Welcome to Madison Memorial High School.
It’s Sunday.  Quarters, and Semis. I’ll be watching on ESPN3, I hope.

The games will be what the games will be.  Let’s talk about what we can know.  Top 5 Callahan Candidates, and predictions.  If you're a first time visitor to the Outside-IN, you'll want to check out some historical Callahan posts from the glory days of r.s.d., HERE, HERE, and HERE

Onto the Top 5 Candidates:
Clark, Jay (Georgia Tech)
High Caliber video.  Solid Tunes.  High level Club Experience.  And the sole top five finalist who wasn’t in the initial Skyd “Hey Pick one of these 5 dudes” list.  Just goes to show, a little guy with heart, and moxie, and a strong Computer Science Department, always has a hacker’s fighter’s chance.

I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

Pros: Hacked the Mainframe
Cons: Serious underdog.

Degirolamo, Tyler (Pitt)

Probably a favorite to win.  Has the hardware, with a 2012 national title, and the name recognition.  Didn’t subject me to Awolnation’s “Sail”.   Infact, none of the finalists did.  Dub step is dead.  His Team mate was top 5 finisher last year.  Senior.  And, a little daft punk on the tunes. 

Pros: National Champ, Senior
Cons:  Would he, or a healthy Thorne have been the Callahan nod?

Freechild, Dylan (University of Oregon)

It’s just a matter of time until Spikezilla brings the Callahan back to the Ultimate roots of founder Henry Callahan. Oregon get’s a lion’s share of the Calla-love, and one year it will be Dylan’s.  It Could be this year, as he is a great talent.  But, you have to wonder if the voters will shy away from Dylan the way that Heisman votes less often go to underclassmen.  Creative music choice.

Pros: Slow Jams the Highlights.
Cons: Youth

Hart, Brian (Wisconsin)

Undoubtedly talented, and hardly a no name, Mr. Hart suffers from the perception that the Hodag’s are group of interchangeable pasty kids who run stairs all the time and hit the weights (yo).  But Wisconsin has one Callahan in history, so it’s not out of the question.

Pros:  Darkhorse candidate (In the actual meaning of the expression, not as an exclamation)
Cons: The perceptions of the Academy

Mickle, Jimmy (University of Colorado)

Nexgen cred, monster pulls and great speed are nice.  But he’s going to win because flava flav can not be denied.

Pros:  Public Enemy beats.
Cons:  Seen as a chucker.

Actual Prediction: Degirolamo.


I’m actually impressed that two of the finalists don’t have videos.  Focused on the big prize?  Or a canny double bluff to garner support? 

Chastain, Claire (University of North Carolina Wilmington)

Undoubtedly good player.  Has a video, but more of a slide show.  Change of pace with the Taylor Swift.  Watch out for this one.  She came into the season as a hyped player, and the Seaweed are back in the show.  Trouble. Trouble.

Hoffmann, Liên (Northwestern)

No video?  No hype?  Crafty.  I say vote for her!  Groundswell movement has pushed her into the top 5.  And likely for good reason.  But, the national vote may escape her.

Miller, Rebecca (Iowa State University)

The Womens’ race is way more interesting than the boys race, as apparently, they don’t get caught up in the Calla-Hype.  Good job ladies, picking your own candidates.  (Nothing against you Skyd, but, punditry affects the experiment.  Just let people nominate, and vote.  Give ‘em some hydro-shorts afterwards). The video showcases her speed, d, and receiving skills, but voters definitely put a premium on disc skills.

Pros: Journey.  Duh.

Tajima, Claudia (Tufts University)
High Production Value video.  Big Game coverage, and experience.  Clearly valuable to a good team.
Pros: See above.
Cons:  Not a Huge fan of the music.

Zahniser, Bailey (University of Oregon)

Oregon has a hype machine, and their video production value is always high.  Playing a role on a top team for a few years helps. 

Cons:  Not a huge fan of the music.  Really.


It's going to be a long day, with the last Semi played under the lights.  

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Outside-In Nationals Previews: Saturday

your hosts...
Welcome back to Outside IN.  If you’re just tuning in, Go HERE for what to do on Thursday, And which games to watch on Friday.  But to summarize, Go see a show Thursday, Ride around on a bike, sit down between fields 3, and 4, on Friday, and watch 8 1v2 games unfold before your eyes.

The USA Ultimate Event guide is now up, and is viewable HERE.    

The link to yesterday’s Outside – in Tourism write up is HERE, if you want some Thursday and Friday night activity suggestions, and a couple places to rent a bike for transport around town.

But Saturday is moving day.  Some teams come in with the pool all but locked up, some come in all but knocked out, and some come in needing help, and some come in holding on for dear life, but with their destiny still in their hands.

If you wake up with time to spare, hit the Bagels forever on university.  

Or, even better, Gotham Bagels. According to our correspondent on the ground, Gotham Bagels is "5 greater than signs better than" Bagels Forever.  blogger won't let me type that, it converts it to gibberish.   I don't know if that just means just 'greater than' or "5x greater than."  But, it's definitely fish scales above Bagels Forever.   But, this is probably moot if, despite my best efforts, you’re probably driving, and hoteling, when you could be cribbin’ and biking. Just eat your complimentary waffle.

If you’re running short on time, McFood it is.  Let’s brown bag the lunch today, as we’ve been dipping deep into our paltry budget.  A little bread and some hard cheese, and an apple will tide you over through the day.  And Coffee.  Lot’s of it.  

I’ve got a few suggestions for games to watch Saturday, but much will depend on what happened Friday. But here we go with some pie in the sky predictions, starting with the boys.  And note, since we're in Wisconsin, we'll take our sky pie with cheddar.

Open Play preview, day 2.

Round 1
Saturday, I’d go Oregon vs Dartmouth at 830 on field 4.  Oregon Should be in good shape by now, but even after preparation, and planning, 8:30 will still feel early to the big Green Machine.  And I mean Oregon, not Dartmouth, whose mascot is The Big Green.   Or a giant anthropomorphic, Keg, but I kind of think Dartmouth has kiboshed that.

In Round 2, I’d go UNC v. Ohio at 10:30 on field 4, as a potentially important game,  and in Round 3 Texas v. Wilmington on field 5 at 1230,

The round 4 game at 2:30 game is tougher.  I’ll make my decision based on the Big board.  For someone, this game will be a must win pre-pre-quarter.  Watch that one.

But with no idea at this time as to what games will matter, let’s just say maybe Central Florida vs Ohio at 230.  Or Carleton v. Harvard.  Hmm.  State Schools or Private.  Which to watch?

Well, a lot depends on if you care to know that “actually, players dived.“  Or that Carleton would prefer ‘to go boldly’ rather than ‘to boldly go.’  I’m going state school grit for my entertainment dollar here.

On Saturday, The best Girls games to watch might be:

Round 1, If you want to get up early, catch Oregon v. Stanford at 8:30.  Should be solid, and the ‘Old Northwest’ battles still carry some cache.

Round 2:  then either the Iowa v. Washington game on field 1, or the Carleton v. UGA game at 10:30 on field 10. 

Round 3: I’d go Tufts UW at 12:30 on Field 4.  This brings together 2 prominent Callahan contenders, and has potential to be the off ramp to the dirt road.  The 3 seed gets the harder Match-up in pre-quarters, but, there don’t look to be too many pushover wins in prequarters. 

Round 4, Probably  UBC v. UGA at 2:30.   I’d make a dash to grab some food, and get ready for the play-in pre-quarters at 5:00.

Play will end fairly late on Saturday.  If you’ve been following the action well, you’re probably pretty tired.  There’s plenty to do in Madison on memorial day weekend, such as The  World’s Largest Brat fest?  That’s what USA ultimate is pushing.  The web site is HERE.  This involves highways, and exits and parking.  Aren't you biking like I suggested?

Plus, Brat fest just sounds like “crowds” to me, along with 3rd tier American Idol cover bands..  Of more interest to me is the PEOPLE’s Brat Fest, which sounds like Occupy Brat Fest.  It's on campus somewhere.  You're not actually going there.  Here is what you really want to do.  Why don’t you just go find a quiet place and catch the Spurs v. Grizzlies match up, and eat some local food?

I was told to go to the Old Fashioned downtown, get some cheese curds and a #38 (think it’s a Brat), but I can’t tell if they have the games on.  Bike down town, and walk around until you find something that looks good.  But, do get a brat, and some cheese curds.  It’s a thing.

It’s pushing 11 by now.  Unless you’re plan is some fear and loathing in Cheese country, I’d probably wind it down.   We’ll be changing venues for Sunday and moving to Madison Memorial High School.  Quarters start at 8:30a.m., and Semi Finals start at Noon.  And games will be continuing late into the twilight under the lights.  We'll also have the presentation of the 2013 Callahan MVP awards.  

We'll be back tomorrow with the Callahan preview.  Tune in sports fans.  I'll also publish my bracket, but, It's sort of an exercise in futility.  

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Hype man's guide to USA ULTIMATE College Nationals. Thursday / Friday.

First USA Ultimate Nationals as a spectator?  Are you a recent Alum looking to get the low down on what to watch, and who to see?  A Local of Madison who just wants to check out the fun fast paced sport of the 21st century?

Welcome to Outside In, where I give you the straight up PLAN to enjoying your spectating experience.  The whosits, whatsits and wheresits to enjoy your stay in Madison.  It’s an outsider’s take on the inside scoop.  Little secret, I use a little thing called the INTERWEBS, invented by Thomas Jefferson and Al Gore.  Off to Madison…  Let’s talk about what to do when you’re not at the game, where to eat, and also, of course, scout the games.

Most of this is what you should be doing when you’re NOT watching Frisbee.  But I got some game watching thoughts in there, also.

Days 1 and 2 are held at the Reddan Soccer fields in Verona, WI.  Looks like basically a suburb.  There is probably plenty of McFood around.  But it looks like campus is less than 10 miles away.  I’d at least head into Madison Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.  If you’re staying in a tournament hotel, I’d hit the Homewood or the Hampton on Commerce, as they are a little closer to Madison, and the fields aren’t that far from anything. 

BEST CHOICE FOR GOOD TIME:  Contact someone in Madison.  Bribe them for couch space.  Rent bikes.  Seriously, If you know anyone in downtown Madison, I’d rent a bike for the 4 days, and ride the bike route out to the fields; again, this is one of the great cycling communities in America.  Take advantage.  Pay less than $80 for 4 days of cycling.  Buy something for your host.

The weather looks decent for spectating.  Cool temps, and light breezes less than 10mph should make for appearance of actual ultimate-like substance.  A blessing after Sarasota gales, and Boulder, er, Gales.

DO: Get there Thurdsay, and if the weather is good, go for a bike ride.  Outside Magazine recommends Madison as one of the greatest bike towns in America.  For pure entertainment value, I think someone needs to check out the “Red Bikes.” 

I Have no idea if these bikes are what you want to have to ride .  They may just be beaters, but, I think you need your picture taken with a “RedBike.”

If you’ve followed my advice, and contacted the Madison Ultimate Community, You’ve got a place to stay.   Now call a bike shop and rent for the duration of your stay. 

I found Erik’s bike shop, where you can rent some decent road bikes for as low as $18 a day.  The deposit is pretty steep, so hopefully you have a credit card.  Helmets and locks provided. Click HERE. or Budget Bikes HERE (even cheaper!).  Check around. 

If you’re only riding Thursday, I’d at the very least do the lake Mendota lake loop, at 23 miles, but check in with the locals.
Lake Mendota

But if you’re adamant that you just want to spend your vacation weekend in a car, at a motel, and at a generic soccer complex, well you’re mostly going to be watching Frisbee, so renting a bike might be a waste.  But do a loop on Thursday, shoot some pictures, get a little culture out of the trip.  You’ll have that many more memories.

Still, on Thursday, if the weather is bad, or if you are just looking to go full tourist, you might have time to catch a museum or a show.  If you live in a outdoors-recreation-rich culturally barren backwater as I do, this might be a good call.  There’s a photo exhibition at the Madison Museum of Contemporary art downtown. HERE is a description. 

The dinner options downtown are too many to mention.  Wander around until you see something you like.  Then, Thursday night, catch Matthew Santos at the Redamte Coffee house.  Here is the venue. 
Doors open at 7, and music at 8.

Reviewed HERE, Santos has worked with Lupe Fiasco (on superstar), and tickets are 8 bucks.  Also he hails from Minneapolis, so maybe he’ll be channeling some of the miracle magic of the healing waters of Lake Minnetonka.  I assume you’ll wander around downtown after the show, or head home to catch Jersey Shore at the Hotel.

Friday:  All you need to know:  Get some coffee.  If you're staying in a Hotel, just eat the damn waffles.  If you're couch surfing downtown, get a tasty bagel sandwich at Bagels Forever on University.  Then head out, and camp out at fields 3 and 4.  Bring your earplugs, and remember, you’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge.  There are multiple coffee shops within a couple miles of the fields. Always important for me.  Hopefully you're biking, as the bike routes look great for riding.

Games to Watch:
Round 1 8:30
Honestly, the first round games don’t look too thrilling.  Will Tufts – Texas on the Girls side have  some serious brawling?  Maybe UCSB and UBC will find UCSB returning to prior years form at the big Show..  Or check out Will “Nexgen” Driscoll vs. Brice “RSD, Please quit calling me and Ben Wiggins Fat, because we’re really not, but, thanks for the Ben Comparison” Dixon.  But this might be a good round to roam. 

You might want to watch the open division match up between UNCW vs Illinois on field 4, or watch womens teams Washington and Ottowa play.  You'll want to get a feel for the wind -- file forecasts are for light breezes, it might be a factor in the games later.  Will more goals be scored in the down wind endzone?  And you'll want to figure this out, because if you’re with the sporting press, you’re going to be spending a lot of time between fields 3 and 4 on Friday. 

The field layout isn’t set yet, but hopefully, you can get some prime seats between the two fields.

Down to Brass Tacks:  GAME TIME.

10:30 OPEN: A1 Oregon v A2 Colorado Field 3.  (Oregon by 2)
10:30 WOMEN Oregon v. Wisco at 10:30, field 4 (Oregon by 1)

Hopefully they’ve got the field layout with 3 and 4 next to each other.  Any morning Doldrums will end fast.

The men of Oregon and Colorado will reunite a few nexgen players, as Jimmy Mickle squares off against, well, the UO Offensive line (Spikezilla, Honn, and Allison-Hall).  

The home team Wisconsin Belladonna squares off against number one seed UO Fugue.  Travel and jet-lag could play a factor, as Wisconsin lost by only 2 at the Stanford invite.  Lou will have his team ready to gun it, but, travel takes it’s toll.  The home crowd will be loud, and rocking.  And as the game nears it’s end, fans arriving for the 12:30 wisconsin – Carleton boys game could give this game a championship feel – noise wise at least.

At 12:30 the Men’s action continues with B1 Wisco vs B2 Carleton on field 4.  The ranks will swell further. The 973rd playing of the competition they just call ‘the love fest’ will no doubt be slowed by pauses to spiritedly complement each other, share jokes with the other team, and laugh until they cry as they just try to out-nice each other like Jimmy Kimmel and Ellen Degeneres.  Oh.  No. Wait. 
There.  Will. Be. Blood.  (Wisconsin by 2, and someone’s breaking out a Trident.)

As that game is going on, Women’s Pool C teams #1 Carleton vs #2 UBC also square off at 12:30, field 3. These teams have not met up this year, but Both teams have close wins, and losses to tough competition.  (Carleton by 2)

2:30 Men’s teams C1 UNC Chapel Hill and C2 University of Central Florida square off on field 3, and  Iowa State v. Ohio state at 2:30, field 4.  The girls game has huge upset potential, at least by seeding.  Iowa state has lost to… Ohio state this year.  And Ohio State’s opponents at regionals scored an average of like 1.85 points per game.  One might suspect the Ohio Valley region is less competitive, but this game should be a fun one. (Ohio State by 1)

UCF has become a fixture in the past few years, and this year has wins over both Oregon and UNC, at easterns.  UNC will come out hard:  “Carolina Style” Ultimate doesn’t have the same meaning it used to have, but this will be some hard fought Frisbee. (UCF by 2)

430 in the Open division, D1 Pitt faces D2 Texas , and  Iowa takes on Tufts.  Callahan candidates, and bus riders Degirolamo and Driscoll will go at it (we hope),  and Iowa and tufts at 4:30 on  field 4 should also be a great one. 

These teams met at the Queen City Tune Up with Iowa taking the 13-11 win.  Their RRI’s are almost identical.   But Pitt by 3, and Iowa holds seed. 

WHEW.  What a Saturday.  And you’ve barely had to move.  Team Style, and who handles the spotlight better will be the story in these rounds.  Early rounds tend to give the underdogs a better shot, but the teams in all 8 of these games are so well matched, that no one upset would be a surprise.

Not worn out from spectating pool play Friday?

Then head over a few miles to catch the Madison Radicals of the AUDL at Breese Stevens field.  Kick off at 7:30 P.m. Friday, $5 if you order on line. Get there early to be safe, order some fries with “Radical” Sauce (I suspect that is like “Fry Sauce” but more extreme.  Here are some more reasons to go to the game, from the team.

Didn’t pig out on the Radical sauce?  Lots of restaurants in the neighborhood.  For sure, the Burrito Drive, and Roman Candle are open late.  Burrito Drive looks decent, local input?  If the game ends at 10:30, you probably just want something quick anyway.  Several places are in the neighborhood of the stadium.

Or pub fare may be more your thing, so follow the post game throngs a few blocks down the road to the Radicals sponsor Great Dane Pub, where your ticket stub will get you a free beer.''

Get a good night's Sleep.   Saturday is moving day, when dreams are fulfilled, or broken.

morison luke smith
(c) morrisonlukesmith

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Hype Man Continues.

Continuing to mine the archives, this Angela Lin for Callahan post is reprinted from the original post, visible HERE.  This was published in 2001.  Earlier pieces are HERE, and HERE

Angela Lin for Callahan?

But of course.

I've handled the role of Callahan Coordinator for UGA for several years now, (read previous posts by doing a deja archive search for me, or ME!!!).  But never in my long, and storied college career, or subsequently long and storied post baccalaureate career, or even in my avocation as a media guru, not to mention my work w/ the poor wayward orphans, or in my weekend work helping to clean up the environment,

(my brief television career, and work as an extreme skier/ snowboarder/ telemarker/ adventure racer/ downhill mountain biker/ world class free diver aside) have I had opportunity to meet, or promote, any person as uniquely talented as Angela Lin.

But enough about Angela.

Lately... (oh never mind)

Angela is somewhat of a Renaissance Woman.  But w/ a modern twist, since women were not really afforded long baggy black shorts in the Renaissance.  Or plastic for that matter.  Now people can have what they want.  Unless it is made of plastic.  If you have plastic, A. Lin will take it away from you.

Angela Lin is unique among ex-Georgia Tech Players.

I actually like her.

But more importantly, she has another talent lacking in most other Georgia Tech Players.

She can sign her own name.

But enough of celebrating the 'strengths' of the 'Second Best Tech School in Atlanta'-- (Go Southern Tech).

Angela's strengths are myriad.

She invented helium.


She circumnavigated the globe, using only a set of water wings and some swim fins.  What have YOU done, tuff guy?!
She wrote a little book.  Maybe you've heard of it. It's Called War and Peace.
PFFT.  Tolstoy?  What kind of name is that?  Clearly, this is a pseudonym.

Angela invented Rochambeau.  She... (aside) what's that?  Oh, thank you.
Correction. Angela brought ROCK to Rochambeau.  Good ole rock. Trusty
rock. Before Angela, there were just Georgia students throwing scissors.
And tech students throwing paper.

The ROCK has finally come back...
To Athens, GA.

Angela played guitar for a little band.
They are called REM.
Have you heard of them?

OH, she doesn't play for them anymore.

She is too busy... (author’s note, REM broke up a couple years ago).
Getting ready to kick your ass, yet in a very humble, team oriented,
polite, friendly, spirited way...

Did I mention her skills?

Mad hops, laser beam two-finger, the BIG BADDDDD back hand, hammer,
scoober, thumb hammer, corker, over-hand wrist flip, air bounce,
yawn.  'skills are loud as bombs'

Say it with me.

Stifling 'd', unmatched knowledge of field strategy (that's
STRATEGERY, if you went to Tech, and, unlike Angela, were not literate
enough to get in to the Flagship School of the Empire State of the

very loud.

World class speed.  Did you see her in Sydney?
Of course not.
She’s too fast to see.

Angela is the best of a strong field.

Morrison Luke Smith

Morrison Luke Smith

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Frisbee Philosophy...

This was originally posted in the Bend, Oregon The Source Weekly in 2009.  Check out the original article HERE.  It's a great weekly, owned by a Masters World Champ and long time player.  Drive their hit counts, YO.

One Nation, Under Fris (bee) 
And Dog said, "Let there be flight!" Well at least it seems that way to 'Frisbyterians.' Baseball may be the Great American Pastime,

by Morrison Luke Smith
May 27, 2009

And Dog said, "Let there be flight!" Well at least it seems that way to 'Frisbyterians.'

Baseball may be the Great American Pastime, Football and NASCAR may have the most spectators, but to me, there is nothing more American than the Frisbee.

Whether seen as a child's 4th of July BBQ toy by conservatives, revered in a Zen like trance (or some other type of trance) by 'nekkid' college Frisbee hippies, treated as a serious sport by overly earnest 'Disc Golfers' and 'Ultimate players,' or treated as an effete toy by serious purveyors of sport (who know that nothing could be more serious than a bouncy ball, or men in tights), the Frisbee is the quintessential American symbol.

But much as our nation of immigrants is divided by perceived differences where it should be united by common bonds, the Frisbee too splits us apart even though everyone owns one. The divisions start with the name: Purists know that the Frisbee ™ is a brand name and that 'Disc' is the proper term. Of course, the zealotry of a Purist, insistent that they play, 'Disc Golf' not 'Frisbee Golf,' blinds them to the fact that every time they tell someone that Frisbee is pronounced "Disc," they are three breaths away from, at the very least, a metaphorical punch in the nose.

Likewise, Frisbee fanatics are shocked at the failure of Ultimate Frisbee to be an Olympic sport. Disc Golfers do not understand why sponsorships elude them. Free stylers don't really understand why the beauty of their sport has not been compared to synchronized swimming. And Dog Disc-ers wonder how they're going to pay for another 25 pound bag of dog food in this economy. Meanwhile, the general public sees the Frisbee as the athletic equivalent of a Bocci set, and an activity that is probably just as 'European.'

To the main street America of Joe the Plumber, Ultimate Frisbee is a dilettante's sport, played by stoners named Moonbeam and Barack, with as little relevance to America as Soccer. Disc Golf is a sport that is played by people with a beer in their hand, and to even call it golf is to besmirch the sport that John Daly has brought to mainstream America. Free style IS the equivalent of synchronized swimming, and where the dog is concerned, the thought is, "Wait a minute. Don't you do all these activities with your dog?"

But as we face danger in our international affairs, and uncertainty in our economy, we should look to the things that unite us, not allow small differences to divide us. Like the nation of immigrants that we are, we are all different users of the Frisbee. Let us treat the sun burnt dad at the beach with the same respect the serious aficionado craves, and likewise, let us not belittle the odd efforts of those who take their toys too seriously. Let us all, each and every one of us, see that the Frisbee, more than anything, joins us. For we are truly united by the '-Bee,' if for no other reasons than this: Frisbees are made out of oil (plastic) and manufactured in China. USA! USA! USA!

Luke Smith is a High School teacher, Coaches Cross Country Running, Nordic Skiing, Track and, of course, Ultimate Frisbee.

(c) MorrisonLukeSmith

Thursday, May 02, 2013

Callahan Awards Retrospective, continued.

Originally posted in 2000
I’ve cleaned up the post for publishing but the original link is HERE.  If you missed it, the epic “Will Deaver for Callahan” post is HERE.


Jay Hammond is the result of years of work by the University system of
 Georgia.  This Jay Hammond for Callahan series will include a
down on his creation, his training, and his exploits.

MorrisonLukeSmith Go Dawgs
Go Dawgs
Jay Hammond is the Beta Version of a new Joint Biogenetics program
 developed by the University of Georgia and the Georgia Institute of
Technology.  The Program has been put together by the finest minds in
 the country, and combines the Technological Wizardry of the Georgia Tech 
Engineering Department w/ the Animal Husbandry Legacy that UGA (the
 Oldest Land Grant University) has developed.

The result is an Uber-Ultimater.  The Hammond 1.2.

The program started 8 years ago, with the manufacture of the Hammond
1.1 “John.”  The initial Hammond, nicknamed “The
Kid” or “Noodles,” while an impressive result, was deemed “INADEQUATE” and
 was rejected by 
both the UGA and GA Tech Athletic programs.

(2013 ed. Note, when asked for comment, John noted, “I’M INADEQUATE?  The way I remember it, I skipped college and went right to the show.  Call me Kobe.” )

But, according to documents only recently made available through the Freedom of Information act, there were myriad problems associated with the 1.1. The documents note, that while height and flexibility were above average, an 
infusion of Cattle genetic material (possibly by an unknown
 competitor’s retroviral technology, possibly by the poor choice of host mom) resulted in a creation deemed simply, “too goofy.”

morrison-luke-smith Furthermore, the maintenance schedule was wrecked by a
of the control systems.  The 1.1 developed an unforeseen affinity for
 Whole Milk and Jelly Doughnuts.  We are not sure how this happened: 
the program had carefully included genetic information and encoded 
protein deficiencies that should have made it impossible for the 1.1
eat anything but whole grains and raw fish.

(2013 ED: note: When asked for response, the now retired John Hammond, said, “Look at the championship rings buddy.  I think I’ll be the one to tell you what an athlete’s diet is.”  He then paused, and lifted his hand up, and said, “The rings.”)

But the foundations of the program are intact.  The Hammonator
 uses the latest in off the record Black-Funded Human
 Genome research, 
seen to be at least 10 years ahead of any comparable program.
 Likewise, the cloning technology, and in vitro fertilization technology
 are definitely “next generation.”

Much of this was
 brought over from 
the Eastern Bloc w/ the fall of the wall, and has been carefully
 covered up by government agencies w/ vested interests.  

For all
and purposes, each Hammonator is constructed directly from the base 
units of the genetic code.  Using a soup of thymine, adenine, guanine,
and cytosine, the DNA “chain of life”  is created using
 nano-technology, and designer retro-viral technology.

(2013 Ed. Note: The Hammonator Foundation STRONGLY denies any connection
 between early failed retrovirus experiments and recent viral 

Harnessing the power of a series of parallel linked Cray IX
 super-DUPER-computers, the researchers of the foundation work to
 a faster, smarter, better, and more spirited athlete.

When the genetic chain is complete, the team at Georgia Tech has 
completed their work.  Using Korean In-Vitro techniques, the genetic
 material is inserted into an animal egg at the Animal   at the University of Georgia.

The early failure of the Ham
1.1 may have started here, when a Guernsey Cow was chosen to be the
 host mom.  Something went horribly wrong, and the result was, as
mentioned, somewhat addled.

But we feel that we have achieved success with the JAY 
HAMMOND HAMMONATOR Version 1.2.  The genetic chain is maxed out for speed, 
quickness, leaping, reflexes, hand/eye coordination, and leadership. And 
 a new development, we found a portion of Chromosome 8 that controls 
”intangibles.”  This has been maximized as well.

Several improvements over the 1.1 include modifications to the genetic material, changes to the host animal, and source material.

The genetic Soup has been 
modified.  We have replaced THYMINE, an often essential but relatively 
uninteresting pyrimidine nucleic acid, with TAURINE, a product found 
the RED BULL sports drink. We see this as not only a surefire way to make the Hammonator1.2 unstoppable, but also, an easy marketing Tie-

The host animal was changed.  In lieu of a Cow, we introduced the 
genetic material into a Mountain Lion. The Mountain lion was then 
tagged, and released into the wild.   This portion of the Project was a success.  The mountain lion
 was recaptured shortly before the Hammonator was born.

Purer strains of nucleotides were used.  After some consideration, the 
early money saving measure of buying the various ingredients at General
 Nutrition Centers was scrapped, and the nucleotide material was
purchased from reputable Scientific Sources.

Next time... The training.

(ED: Note.  At this point, the record ends.  A mysterious fire destroyed portions of the files, the computers spontaneously burst into flame and the 18 lead researchers vanished, leaving strangely identical farewell notes.) 

Bloggin' only the truth.
Morrison Luke Smith
(c) MorrisonLukeSmith