Prognostication.

Preseason Write Up
Luke Smith.

Well, technically it’s not the preseason. Sectionals tournaments start immediately, rosters are set, and everyone is asking, who can knock off the Fish. I’ve been asked to put my extensive knowledge of various teams to work… to prognosticate, elaborate, educate, elucidate, annotate, illustrate, just whatever – ate the crap out of this thing.

So I’ve been working diligently looking at rosters, perusing rec.sport.disc, talking on the phone, looking at websites, and demonstrating the great research skills that have made me the master of job shirking.

I’ve realized a few things.
1) I don’t have any idea about what’s going on in ultimate these days, unless I read it on Jim Parinella or Alex DeFrondeville’s blog.
2) I didn’t realize that I was getting old until I started noticing the Ages of Frisbee players. If you were 35, you’d be an old man in this game. So, in 8 years, by that logic, I’ll be an old man in this game.

So, as a result, what follows will entail more fabricating, prevaricating, exaggerating, and generally just lying.

With no further ado, by region…

NorthEast.
1) Boston. On the blogs, at least, they still maintain a lock on e-frisbee. Their website sucks, in the sense that it’s like 4 years old. I guess it’s sort of a requirement that you stop updating it after you stop winning. I mean, If I were DoG, I’d sortof rather not dwell on the series of quarterfinals since the late 90’s…
2) Twisted Metal. Dying to dwell on a series of quarterfinal appearances. The up and comers. I don’t really know much about them, because I haven’t found their website... Ahh there it is… I assume they are made up of a bunch of young dudes who are frustrated because they don’t get to even try out for DoG’s offense, because those guys only show up in August. And then they don’t SHOW UP until October. Twisted Metal Team members are probably playing an average of 14 tournaments a year, and dominating Boston Corporate. Website is decent, and they have a few players that I know. Probably the future of Boston Ultimate… Like Snapple, but with a better logo.
3) Goat. I thought Goat was going to tear a new one in Northeast Ultimate. Sigh. Seems like the whole ‘we got a bunch of cheaters trying to play college ultimate’ thing sort of let the steam out of them. Seriously, a solid website, and they did knock off Metal at Easterns. I’m sure that if they win they will be classy about it, but some jackass on R.S.D. will go right back to the ‘tear a new one in US Ultimate’ well. Along with a ‘give us back our national sports franchises, eh?’

Mid-Atlantic.
1) Ring. They are simply the longest running solid program out east after dog. And Solid requires quarter/semi/final appearances. They’ve dallied with it for the past 10 years or so, and have been generally good longer than that. Their web presence is minimal. This seems to be a common thread of southern Teams. No geek presence. I can only assume (from years of research) that it is do to pig picking, or beer drinking, or both. Also, I think Ring keeps a pretty good job keeping the Dukies out. Therefore, no webery.
2) Pike. No Brainer. They can’t beat Ring (thus far) but they had a break out year at nationals, and have been solid thus far. Seem to have the pig’s number. Or Chesapeake. Or anodyne. What the heck do those guys call themselves now? Anyway, Seem like they have a good shot at making the show.
3) Chesapeake. Anodyne. The Pig. Potomac. Spell it anyway you want, it’s probably the worm. Google shows nothing on the web. And I don’t go to tournaments much now. So hell if I know. Seems that Pike has swiped a couple players… so… third.

The South
1) Chain Lightning. Seems like their year. They apparently have 9 guys that can dunk. I say, bring a portable goal to nationals, and make them put their money on the table. Their web presence is a joke. Although AJ has a blog. They can’t get over the Ring thing… but they always lose by one. I guess that’s better than the alternative. I guess. My #2 sentimental favorite. By sentimental, I mean I have a decent collection of old chain jerseys. Although one year they were accidentally Chain LIGHTING. And another year, we got these kick ass soccer jerseys. And got nothing printed on them. Ahh, the good old days.
2) Doublewide. Always athletic, but I just don’t see them getting past chain. Nice upset over DoG (according to UPA site) but taken out to woodshed by Bravo at the same tournament… So, talented enough to pull an upset, but not consistent enough to run the table. Again, that Southern inability to post a website. Got to hurt them in the rankings.
3) Tampa Bulge. Jimmy Price has at least got them playing ball. I don’t know if they’ve co-opted the Miami and Gainesville players under 40 something. They won’t get out of the region, but at least they haven’t all gone to play co-ed.
4) Pfft. Effin’ co-ed.

Mid-West.
1) Uh, subzero? I think they are like Carleton. But with some former Madison guys. They are always pretty good. But, uh, you know, I just don’t… have… any… idea.
2) Big Asstruck? Uh, Help me out people. Ann Arbor, right? Big school, college town, lots of Frisbee…
3) Machine. I think Eric Zaslow is still playing. I played against a machine – ish team at Solstice. I don’t think that they were the whole deal…

Midwest. I mean, come on guys, you got to go along to get along. Or something. I mean, just a LITTLE web presence. I’ll work with you. Really.

Southwest
1) Condors. Johnny Bravo. Condors. Johnny Bravo. Condors. I’m going Condors. I THINK Bravo was missing worlds munchin extraordinaire will ‘wolf boy’ deaver and beau kittridge at Labor day. And they’ve been on a run the past few years. But, I mean, even though the Condors are young, and Adam Glimme apparently did some kind of ‘chicken dance’ after scoring a goal.. My vote comes down to the all important world wide web. Condors, new look website…. And JB…
2) Johnny Bravo. See above.
3) Uhh, are there 3 teams in the southwest? Just kidding.

No, I mean, for real?

The Northwest. Cue the darthvader music.
1) Sockeye. Ok, they lost a game at Labor Day. And, part of their team (the tall-er-est part) is all tuckered out from the worlds games. And yes, they are full of Carleton players, and Carleton Sucks. Although one of the kids I coached is going to Carleton, so I kind of have to rethink that. But it’s hard. It’s like if General Motors came out with a totally kick ass car, that got 65 miles to the gallon, drove like a cross between a Porsche and a SUV, and didn’t suck in the 100 other ways that a GM car can suck, I’d still be, like, man, GM cars suck. Anyway, sockeye, talent as always, and now experience. And, a personal favorite, since I still have some really really smelly jerseys kicking around (boy, when polypro dies…at least most of my old jerseys were cotton. They just rot). Man, what was I thinking, I mean, I gave up practices w/ younger fasterer betterer players, for 6 months a year, to ski 80 days a year? Would I have traded it for a shot at the title? Ah, who am I kidding. I’d have been off the team faster than you can say ‘Survivor: Elliot Bay.’ And I don’t think I ever made a spring practice. The website rocks.
2) Jam. They’ve struggled to find their identity this year. I imagine the early season practices involved a lot of confusion without Idris and Damien pushing everyone out of the way for the dump cut. Used to have a good web-site, albeit, kind of strange in an Idris-ish manner. Now, not so good. Beat Sockeye in Semis at Labor day, PROBABLY won’t do it later.
3) Furious. The monkey seems relaxed this year. And by relaxed I mean cheech and chong relaxed. Not that the actual players seem Cheech and Chong relaxed, but, well, you know what I mean. Oh, you don’t? well try some of this… Seriously though these guys always seem to gear up late in the year, and on Sundays. So, all is not lost.
4) And 5) and Whatever. Portland, Kaos, maybe even MF United (Came in 5th last year). I only mention it, because these teams are always good enough to get a win. Probably not good enough to take the 3rd seed, but good enough to make it interesting…

So what does this leave us with.

Sockeye to win it.

Quarterfinalist Teams.
All three NW teams
Both SW Teams
Chain
Boston
Ring

Teams to watch, who are most likely to put their final placing in my face.

Pike
Twisted
Doublewide.

Sorry Midwest. Nothing personal. I’m easily impressed by video and the internet.