Solstice 2001
Write Up
Director's Cut
This might be any tournament, anywhere... the names have been deleted to protect the innocent... part one...
Seattle, WA Friday, 22 June 2001 5:00 PM.
Dude; beer?
Sure, thanks.
Whats going on this weekend.
I dunno, maybe some climbing or biking.
There’s some tournament in Eugene.
What’s that all about?
It’s fun. Pretty good comp. Drives not too bad.
How long?
Oh, five hours.
So if we leave right now, we’ll be there, at, oh, 10:00?. Sounds good.
Might take us half an hour to get out the door, get some food, and gas.. might as well catch an inning of the mariners game too
Good call. Why’s adam asleep?
He’s fasting
Excuse me?
Fasting
How long.
2 days so far.
Hey adam wake up. why are you fasting?
To stop tibet’s obstruction of Chinese economic expansion.
Good one. No food at all?
Chicken broth. Tomato soup. Beer.
Hmm.
Seattle, WA Friday, 22 June 2001 11:00 PM.
Ready?
Ja Let’s go.
Wake up Adam. boy he sure doesn’t seem to have much energy
Seattle, WA Friday, 22 June 2001 11:10 PM.
Man, I think we’re going in circles.
Yep, we’re headed back down to the lake
Tacoma, WA Friday, 22 June 2001 11:50 PM.
Oh shit. Gas lights on.
Tacoma, WA Saturday, 22 June 2001 12:10 AM.
Aw hell I just got on the northbound exit
What the F dude. how many times have you BEEN to Eugene
Not many. Just a few times since I lived there.
Awww. We got a place to stay in Portland?
Portland, OR 2:10 AM
Dude, check this out
Wha?
Nationals video 2000 finals.
Oh shit dude. I’ll watch but give me the remote. No way are we rewinding it when you catch one.
Any beer left in the fridge?
I’ll check. go get adam out of the car
Portland, OR 2:11 AM
Hmm. Strawberry Bananna Malt 'kooler' alkoholic beverage?
What is that? I dunno. Says 7.8% though.
Is that all they have? Yep.
BS. MF BS. Yep. I guess I’m in;
Roger that.
Portland, OR 3:31 AM
Up at 6:30?
Yeah, gotta make the captains meeting to find a team.
Cool.
Portland OR 7:45 AM Saturday
Oh shit. Let’s go. Wake up Adam.
PART II... SATURDAY.
Part II...
As you'll remember in Episode One, Traffic in Tacoma, events have conspired, mistakes have been made, errors of judgement were committed, and our heroes are rather delayed in their departure for Eugene from Portland...
8:00 Portland, OR
Dude, you can't turn left there.
Huh. I guess you can.
Shouldn't there be cops right now? That'd be typical.
(note the author has elected to NOT throw in a lie about a fictional traffic stop in portland, thrown in just for dramatic effect. Or maybe the author has elected to delete a factual traffic stop in Portland, in case his mom is reading this. 2 truths and a lie? )
9:00 Somewhere on I - 5
Dude, you got to drive...
Me?
I'm about to fall asleep at the wheel.
What about Adam?
He's asleep. Beside, He's had nothing in three days but broth, tomato soup, and beer... so no way. Besides, my stomach is killing me...
OK, I'm fine
9:30 Somewhere on I-5
Wow. That sleep was great... whoa you look green.
My stomach is killing me. What did we eat last night....
I dunno, maybe it's all that advil we ate last night... What advil?
Whadaymean, what advil, you gave me that prescription advil last night...
Uh, that wasn't advil.
10:15 Eugene Oregon Coburg Rd.
Good grief Almost there...
We'd better hurry, games started at 9:30...
oh wait there's Carl's Jr.
Carl Jr.'s
Whatever. Like Hardee's
Hardees
Shut the F up. Just pull in for some hashbrowns...
10:30 Tournament Central.
Dude. Get a map. Find the fields.
Who are we playing with?
What do you mean, you said we were playing with woody.
No I didn't.
Just get a map.
11:00 Eugene, OR Coburg Rd.
Dude, I can't believe portland wouldn't pick us up.
NO shit, 35 guys seems totally reasonable to me
I thought three warm millers and a half a Carl Jrs' would be fair trade
Carl's jr's.
Get in the car.
11:30 Eugene OR Onyx St. So. River Fields
Hey Adam, wake up, we're here. Just follow the path down to the river. 'kay.
11:35 Eugene, OR So. River Fields.
Hey Chris, you got room for two more?
Who.
Me and this guy.
Yeah, but you better ask Chris.
Chris (pointing?)
No, Chris (pointing.)
Okay. CA.
No -- CM
Oh, right, thanks CS.
What's the score?
3-2 or something?
Huh? I thought games started at 9?
EPISODE III Adam's vision Quest.
When last we left our intrepid explorers, the long and dusty road had carried them to the heart of the Dark (star) Continent: Eugene, OR. For me, a homecoming, taking me back to my formative days in 1990 when I dropped out of college (for the first time) to work as a itinerant laborer, performing odd jobs as I walked the country. Oranges in Florida, Cotton in Texas, Carpentry in New Mexico, Artichokes in Orange County, Mushrooms in Oregon.
Ahem. Never mind.
Suffice to say, Saturday morning found me, jph, and Adam settled in at the river fields. We'd found a team, had some coffee, the shakes were leaving my body, and all seemed right in the world...
You ready?
Sort of. I got to warm up.
Not me, I'm just gonna get in there early and mix it up.
The 'been warming up for 25 years school of thought, eh?' Yep.
I gotcha. I"ll go for a few laps though...
JH, on the line... Ah man, that morning thunder is not doing me right...
TW: Morning Thunder?
Yeah, Ovaltine and Vodka. Vitamins, minerals, and a rich chocolate flavor that can't be beat. Whose idea was it to pick him up?
(time elapses)
CS: Dude. You're wearing a path. How long are you gonna warm up?
What can I say. Road trips are tough. What's our team called.
We're Rutgers Reunion.
What? I thought you went to Cornell.
CMU.
Same difference.
Yeah, but I also went to DeVry.
What does that have to do with Rutgers.
Devry has a deal w/ Rutgers. Like RISD and Brown.
Bullshit.
Well that's my story.
What about DD?
Barbazon. Shares an athletic field w/ Rutgers.
This is ridiculous.
Hey man, can I borrow your car.
Sure, why?
Beer run.
CS: Adam, what's up, you don't look so good.
I'm just tired from the road trip.
He's been fasting for three days.
Not entirely
Right, tomato soup, chicken broth and Beer.
Sure, keys are in the big blue bag.
Just be careful. It's got no centering spring... and don't set the emergency brake, and... just don't wreck.
Gotcha.
Why are you fasting?
To protest the imprisonment of Michael Millken. Cool.
(exeunt adam)
Dude they let Millken out like 3 years ago
Think so. But don't tell Adam. I'm waiting to see if he hallucinates a spirit animal. But that's the last time he drives my car.
Ahh... it's for a good cause.
True.
(enter JH) Dude, did you see me last point? I made a sick grab.
What about the throwaway? Statistics are for losers. I'm on fire.
Who are we playing.
New Mexico.
Boulder
Together: Whatever.
I guess I"ll go play a point... hey what do you guys think about a zone...
PART IV. When last we saw our intrepid crew, play had just begun... Adam, mean while, was chilling w/ the space coyote on his way to the nearest beer store.
'Find your soul mate Adam.'
Dude you sound like Johnny Cash.
'Find your soul mate Adam'
Is that all you've got to say. This is the dumbest vision quest I've ever had.
Wait a minute: miller quart cans on sale for $1.00. Thanks space Coyote.
'Find your...'
Never mind.
Meanwhile back on the ranch:
Good game everyone, let's rocham beer run.
4 pool round robin elimination match?
Naah. Too complicated.
Odd man out?
Odd man out. Only way to get it done w/ this kind of crowd...
ready, on 3, reaux, cham, beaux.
The cold winds of fate blow, the dice are thrown, and CA, and JS are off to make the deal go down.
Huh. What were the odds.
Adam returned to the fields, beer in hand. The Rutgers Reunion team had just polished off the return of Johnny Bravo. Adam came up as The second game began, Rutgers vs. Eugene.
Dude, who are we playing?
Eugene.
Who are we?
Crow's nest?
What's that?
A restaurant.
Crow's nest? I thought we were Rutgers?
I didn't go to rutgers.
Dude you are messed up.
Colgate isn't a school.
Yes they are, I played Lacrosse.
Now, La Crosse is a school
This is messed up. ? Hard to tell, it's all getting a little hazy...
Why?
He's fasting.
Oh yeah, how long.
3 or 4 days now.
Why? To free Walt Disney (exeunt)
Man, Disney ain't frozen.
Well, whatever works. Everyone knows that was Stalin.
Duh.
Meanwhile on the line...
Just throw it to me. I promise I'll get it.
We're on D. Well watch this.
Can we get a plan going here?
Ask the brain.
Listen up. Run the John Phillips Sousa for 3 to the 2 finger force...
Huh?
Zone.
Oh, OK. 2-3-2?
3-2-2
2-3-2, see, it's point, point, 2 side middles and a middle middle
Whatever.
Watch me get this 'D' Block...
Man, that Doug McKenzie guy can jump.
Don't feel bad, you'll get it back.
Scuse me? Whassatdudesname? Like Bob McKenzie?
I don't know. But that's his name.
Do you think he evee saw strange brew?
Strange brew?
Are you kidding me? Doug and Bob McKenzie? It's a retelling of Hamlet. See it's told through the eyes of Doug and Bob McKenzie. They stand in for Rosencrantz and Guilderstern. Pam, the heir to Elsinore brewery (like the setting of Hamlet), has a murdered father... she might also double as ophelia, but it's possible that the drugged out hockey player could be filling in there.
You have way too much time on your hands.
Who's next.
Team X.
Who?
Colgate reunion. Colgate is a toothpaste.
I don't use it.
Toothpaste?
Colgate.
I use uncle tom's.
Dude, that shit doesn't have flouride in it.
Flouride is a communist plot. They're gonna unfreeze stalin and take over walt disney.
Just go flip the disc.
Who's next?
Sockeye.
Carleton reunion?
Stanford reunion.
Stanford's not here this weekend.
Oh. Carleton reunion it is. But Nord just played for Eugene against Sockeye.
Same field. Gotcha.
Summary of Day 2, which was actually day 1. No damage to the car. 20 dollars out of pocket for beer and tourney fee. No new injuries. Adam did not wander off into the river and get lost. Sonja did, but she came back, and she's a dog. I got vague directions to the Double Tree, Green Tree, and Oak tree inns, a Honky Tonk, Giggles comedy club, and a couple of vague suggestions that 'I - 5 North my be good for me and my lot.' But the results...
Jam (not jam, but maybe mostly, or at least 40% jam, but that's the way it went in the program.) goes 4-0. Boulder goes 3-1 Eugene goes 2-2 Sockeye goes 1-3 Team X goes 0-4
Did I get that right? Eugene COULD have beaten Boulder, but I don't think that they did.
Over in the other pool Furious, PDX, and Valhalla all go 3-1. Invictus 1-3, right? And Diesel goes 0-4.
OFF to Carls' Jr.'s for burgers Burger's. Carl's. You wanna walk?
EPISODE V "WILL IT NEVER END"
Our efforts to find the right room at the double tree were largely unsuccessful. The batteries in my cell phone were dying. Adrift in a sea of despair, all seemed lost. The prospects of making the team meeting were grim - no team meeting, no PT in the quarters. Worst of all, we were missing sports center, and even in a season bereft of hockey, hoops, and football, there's always the chance to see some highlights of the new-look Mariner's woodshedding some hapless AL team in another 10-7 pitcher's duel. All was lost for me, adam, jh, cm, and dd (I think I got that right) when...
Dude, I got a case of porter in the back
(All) HEEEYYYY!!! Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop...
Dude, what happened to those guys?
I dunno, did you call the double tree.
This is the Doubletree.
Well it beats walking up to the desk again.
We could drive...
What about the Green Tree.
Do you think they went to the team meeting?
Dude, that's a joke. They didn't really going to a comedy club.
Well maybe they don't know that.
Allright I'll call... ...no, not there.
Try js cell phone again...
Got em.... What room number? Good... Which one... 109...
Uh, don't tell anyone we were parked right in front of the door.
Gotcha.
There was a party, and Oetter was the last one there. You'd need a baseball bat to clear that guy out of a bar. Beers were drunk, mistakes were made, errors in judgement were committed, my potlatch team grew from 13 to 22 in the span of 2 hours. Well maybe it was four, but I kept it to roughly 2 drinks.
Sunday.... Uh, dude it's raining.
How hard?
Pouring.
Man I'm not prepared for this...
No rain gear?
Just lazy. It's summer, eh?
You guys understand, right?
Oh, totally.
Let's get some breakfast. Sorry Adam.
Don't sweat it, I'll just stay in the car.
Guys, there it is, I - 5.
North or South.
What if we just split, wouldn't that be funny?
I'm serious. Dude, it's been a good weekend: back in seattle early... We got 18 players. How long until they notice we're missing.
Could be hours.
Man that sounds good.
Oh well. Got to think about the fans.
And what about RSD?
Dude, just lie.
Wouldn't be the first time...
Posse up.
Sunday Play, Haven't we covered this?
Pre quarters: Sockeye d. Diesel Invictus d. Team X
Quarters
As quarters are about to start, invictus is gathered, we've got 3 players...
Jp says...w/ the opponents all around... dude who are we playing, we're gonna kill em...
Oh no....
Needless to say there was very little steam rolling.
Dude, I'm not feeling so good... What's wrong w/ him. He's fasting. Really, how long? Like 9 days. Well, broth, and beer. And tomato soup. Ahh. Why? Well, I can't go w/o beer. No, why are you fasting? Oh, to protest... what did you say? Oh, we're not going to let them get our beer... our preciouss beerrsss.... Uh, maybe you should eat something Adam...
Crow's nest d. invictus Furious d. boulder Eugene d. Valhalla Sockeye d. Portland.
3 teams from pool something advance to the semis.
...dude, let me make a suggestion. You're not gonna get a lot out of talking shit while you're still trying to find your cleats... you mean wait until after? Uh... at least.
Eugene has the disc to win against crow's nest... but rutgers gets it back, and for 2 minutes the wind whipped up, the rain came harder, and the crow's nest managed to grind it out for the win... arrrrggghhhh....
Furious d. sockeye...
Finals were played to not many after a long break... Canada wins...
Adam ate 2 Carl's Jr.s's We drove to seattle.
To make a short story long.... The end.
